If I were a cartoon...

Today I'd be a continually exploding stick of dynamite. I'm not a violent person and I can't really visualize violent things happening to people, but I did just watch that bit of Kill Bill where Uma takes out the whole Asian mafia and then scalps Lucy Lui. So badass. Anyway, I digress.

Just a few things that have made me irrationally angry today:

1) Blogs not having new posts. I realize you're on vacation but I. Don't. Care. I'm the reader. I couldn't care less if you haven't slept or had time off in six weeks. Your problem. I want something entertaining to read.

2) People not answering their phones. Don't you know I'm in need of a good venting? What's the deal with being able to sense that and refusing to pick up the phone? Rationally I realize people could be, oh I don't know, working, but that does not mean I can't slam the phone down with added oomph, does it?

3) Cavities. I've never had one. I went to the dentist today and he said I had one. My first ever. I'm seriously debating getting a 2nd opinion. Is that a proper procedure for a cavity diagnosis? Can dentists be wrong?

4) My skin. I can't decide if my skin has had a nervous breakdown (the one I'm holding at bay with diet coke and tootsie rolls) or if the new lightbulbs I just put in my bathroom are extremely harsh. Either way, it's not pretty. All of a sudden I've got pores the size of the grand canyon. And why??? I wash and exfoliate and moisturize and spf and all those other skin-related verbs. I think I'm going to take out one of the lightbulbs and see how it looks then.

5) Discover card mail. I organized over a year's worth of bills/mail last night and Discover card beat everyone else at least 2 to 1. Why is that? I've never once opened one of the envelopes sent to me, so why send them? I click on the "don't send me mail" button online but it doesn't work. I even told the customer service people at Discover that I don't read the crap they send me - apparently to no avail. I also realized I need a new file cabinet. And that I like things organized.

*sigh* I feel a little better now.

Ha ha ha ha! Such as.

Poor Miss Teen South Carolina. I'm not sure she can ever live it down. As a result of her mind-numbing answer to the question of US kids not knowing where America is on a map (btw, where are these kids? who are they? I want to smack their parents and teachers.), this website was created. And it's freaking hilarious. Such as.

http://mapsforus.org/

If you're not laughing at this website, you're a badly-programmed robot.

Is it true all anti-gays are gays?

I don't know what's worse, confusing pedophilia with homosexuality or all the right-wing nutjobs who are adamently anti-gay, actually being gay.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070828/ap_on_go_co/craig_arrest

So this Senator Craig guy from Idaho (no, you da ho!) has been very adament about no gay marriages, no legal protection for discrimination based on sexual orientation, etc. Turns out he's gay, although he says he's not. He says he's only guilty of pleading guilty to a crime, not the actual crime itself. Apparently soliciting sex from other men in airport bathrooms does not make you gay. No sir. I'm not sure what it makes you - guilty of saying you're guilty of soliciting gay sex? - but it DOES NOT mean you're gay. Awesome. This is definite cookie-dough-has-no-calories-until-it's-cooked logic. I like it.

Note to self: the next old, white guy who obsesses over gay marriage is gay. I accept it, and so should they.

Holy Fucking Shit.

Bystanders watched as a woman was raped. I can't believe that's even a news story but there you have it. The story says a man walked up, observed, turned around, went the other, and put his hood up. Nice, eh? The article also says the security cameras see one woman looking out her door at least 3 times and doing nothing. Apparently the woman being raped knocked on the door of at least one apartment begging the guy inside to call the cops. I can't even believe this. So fucking sad.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/08/24/national/main3200634.shtml?source=RSSattr=U.S._3200634

I got two of these babies over the weekend at a sale at Urban Outfitters. 50% off clearance stuff. $10 each!! Now I have to find an affordable shade. I'm thinking of making a trip to IKEA to see what they have to offer. Worst case is that I get a cool shape and cover it wth a piece of fabric. Kind of like the IKEA hack down below. I'm thinking steel gray would look nice but maybe that's too dreary for a bedroom? I'm not sure...

IKEA hack:

http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/2007/08/new-look-for-lampan-lamp.html

Cancer sucks.

I'm not into praying or any of that jazz, but I do believe in the power of positive thought. I don't know if I can make much difference, but I'm definitely willing to try. Kara is the sister of one of my dearest friends, Jean. It sounds so lame to say it, but I hope she gets better soon.

http://prayforkara.blogspot.com/

Stolen material better than my own...

I blatently stole this idea from Limewire's Music blog, but it's Limewire, right? Isn't stealing what I'm supposed to do there? Here's the link to the original blog, lest I be accused of not citing my sources: http://blog.limewire.com/archives/2007/08/14/indie-rock-baseball/

Here's their blog:

Indie Rock Baseball
By Jens Carstensen

While listening to Interpol’s Our Love to Admire with a friend of mine, we devised a way to turn album reviews into a fun little game. We appropriately titled the method ‘Indie Rock Baseball.’ Here’s how it works:

* You start with two outs and no one on base.
* Each time you skip to the next track without finishing the one you were listening to, that’s a strike.
* Each time you finish a song, that’s a ball.
* Each time you actually *like* a song, that’s a hit. Naturally. Or a single, if you prefer. This also resets the count (as would four balls). Now you would have a runner on. Another hit (or walk) would advance the runner, etc.
* Once a record reaches three strikes, it’s OUT. Of your CD player (or preferred music player).
* Otherwise, you post the result (e.g. 1 run, 2 left on base).

For instance, Our Love to Admire, sporting ridiculous amounts of “empty church” reverb, struck out after four pitches. Of course, the 2nd song is titled “No ‘I’ in Threesome”, which probably should’ve gotten it tossed faster than Lou Pinella on a 100-degree day.


Now to my review of Regina Spektor's album (Begin to Hope) vs. Kelly Clarkson's new album (My December) in this new, fancy baseball way (although I'll admit it's not really a contest):

Top of the whatever inning: Spektor's up to bat and there are:
2 outs, no one on base - 1) Fidelity - listened to it all the way through, loved it
2 outs, person on 1st - 2) Better - listened to it all the way through, liked it
2 outs, person on 1st, 2nd - 3) Samson - listened to it all the way through, bordered on loved it
2 outs, bases loaded - 4) On the Radio - love the music, like the lyrics, miss a catchy hook, end up moving on before it's over, although I stuck through most of it
2 outs, bases loaded, 1 strike - 5) Field Below - nice but I'm not in a sad mood so I skipped it
2 outs, bases loaded, 2 strikes - 6) Hotel Song - like more than a little
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 1-0 - 7) Apres Moi - like it in theory, too Russian in practice, skip
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 1-0, 1 strike - 8) 20 Yes of Snow - beautiful piano opening - love everything about it
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-0 - 9) That Time - reminds me a conversation I'd have with a friend but with better music. Love.
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 2-0 - 10) Edit - skip - too deep for me (sadly)
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 2-0, 1 strike - 11) Lady - would love it on a clean house, candles burning kind of night but as is, I skipped it after listening to most of the lyrics and getting depressed
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 2-0, 2 strikes - 12) Summer in the City - like (but alas, no more scores)

Total: 2 runs scored, 3 left on base


Bottom of whatever inning: Clarkson's up to bat:
2 outs, no one on base - 1) Never Again - I've heard this on the radio and like it okay.
2 outs, person on 1st - 2) One Minute - kind of like the produced, electric pop sound but like most KC songs, the middle sags, skip
2 outs, person on 1st, 1 strike - 3) Hole - now it's heavier guitar-infused sound... like the transition - like but could do without another "shut up" lyric
2 outs, person on 1st and 2nd - 4) Sober - Apparently this arrangement has 7 violinist, 4 cellists (the plural of cello is celli, fyi), a double bass, and three different saxophones (alto, tenor, and baritone) and they all really come through about 2/3rds into the song. I dig it.
2 outs, bases loaded - 5) Don't Waste Your Time - eh, skip
2 outs, bases loaded, 1 strike - 6) Judas - I'm tempted to skip based on the name but we'll see - nope, tiresome at best, should have stuck with my instincts, skip
2 outs, bases loaded, 2 strikes - 7) Haunted - okay. I won't skip it but I'm not sure I'd seek it out afterwards. It reminds me of a lot of things on her 2nd album.
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 1-2 - 8) Be Still - again with all the strings. Like but very tame.
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-2 - 9) Maybe - I almost want to skip this based on the lyrics alone.
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-2, 1 strike - 10) How I Feel - skip
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-2, 2 strikes - 11) Yeah - I wouldn't skip this one but I hate the lyrics.
Inning Over

Result: Regina Spektor wins 2-1 - big surprise. It wasn't actually as close as the score looks. I bought the Kelly Clarkson cd to show her some support, due to the whole Clive Davis debacle but I'm not sure I'll listen to it very much.

Maybe tomorrow I'll do the new Tegan and Sara.

New Music Recommendation (New to Me)

I'm a little late to Regina Spektor (Begin to Hope came out in June 2006), but damn she's good.

Each song gets a little better everytime I listen to it. Someone said she was the next Sarah Maclaughin but I think she's better than that. I was/am? a SM fan, so no judgment here, but her lyrics are smarter and laced with something a little stronger than heartache and bad coffee (all good things, no doubt).

I think she plays the piano in most of her songs, because 1) she was classicly trained in piano according to amazon, 2) there's a lot of piano in each song, and 3) no one else is credited in jacket. I wouldn't say any of her songs are happy, per se, as a matter of fact most of the lyrics are pretty sad, but the music is so happy, lively, and dare I say quirky? that there's nothing depressing about the songs themselves.

I could go into intimate detail with each song, but I'll leave that thrill to the listener. Check her out. You can listen to one of the songs here: http://www.spinner.com/2007/07/15/women-who-rock-right-now-no-5/

I'd just like to say

Hi John-Michael!!

Especially since you (he) are/is the only one reading this. I really am shocked that you haven't seen The Burbs.

Recreating Anthro

Beautiful, eh? But guess how much for the total look? (I'm only referring to the top half.) $314. $314!! That's crazy. But it's so, so pretty. I guess the key is to find the "look" for less. Aside: whatever happened to that show? Here's my attempt:

$58 at Urban Outfitters. I think the shape is pretty similar, as is the color. I might even like the multi-colored effect of this one better. I'd have to try it on to see if it look as good unbuttoned though...

$4.49 at Target. I'd prefer something with a sweetheart neck, like the original pic, but a v-neck will do (or whatever this is).

$32.80 at Forever 21. I'm not 100% feeling this top as an adequate substitute, and, depending on it's sheerness, it probably nullifies the need for the cami underneath.

So if I go with my recreated outfit, I've dropped the total from $314 to $95.29 - not too shabby. If I decide to just replace the sweater and cami and get the lace shirt from Anthro, I'm looking at $180.49 - still an ouch. I guess I'll have to keep looking - or wait for a sale.

The trials and tribulations of random thoughts.

Two things:

1) My left eye muscle appears to be permanently strained from having to go to all the trouble of staying open. I know that's not technically "lazy eye" but damn! you'd think blinking would be enough of a workout for eyes to at least not convulse during the act of being awake.

2) I went downstairs in my office to seek out the much beloved caffeine and I smelled pancakes. Pancakes! At work? It was insane. Insanely yummy, that is. Not to mention that last night I saw a Frasier where someone discussed adding bacon to the batter of the pancake and how amazing it is.

I think the world is telling me I need to eat yummy, wonderful pancakes and then go take a nap. I'm okay with the world today.

Annoyance is contagious.

So J told me she was annoyed by a few things at work and I thought, "shew, thank goodness I'm having a good day." And I am. But then I got back to work and I started noticing things. Annoying things. Here they are, in no order of importance:

1. People who can't walk in shoes. If the heels are too high ladies, if you're creating a science experiment because you can't lift your feet when you walk, or if your shoes are plain old ill-fitting, don't wear them. I've seen one woman in particular in my building shuffling around in very high wedge slides. The woman cannot walk in them to save her life. So instead she shuffles down the hallway with itsy, teeny, weeny, little steps and spends an hour going to the elevator. Annoying.

2. Redundancy. If you've asked me 2, 3, even 4 times if I'm attending the conference, I probably am. Please don't put a note in my chair asking for yet another confirmation for a "final head count." I believe that's what you told me the last 3 times you asked me. It's a waste of time and incredibly, painfully annoying.

3. Getting new license plates. This is annoying on many different levels. One, I hate putting them on. Two, I already had the old ones memorized. Why should I be punished for be fiscally responsible and keeping my car past its prime? Three, if one were to say, memorize another person's license plates, and then that person were to get new license plates, that could, theoretically, mess up one's notice of whether one's big boss is at work or not. Let's just quit the whole new license plate thing shall we?

ET is good.

The Paramount downtown (8th and Congress) does the Summer Classic Film Series every summer and it's probably my favorite thing about summer in this town. Saturday afternoon I saw ET. I'd forgotten how much I love that movie. It makes me cry about halfway in and I don't stop until the credits start rolling. It's the first movie I ever cried during while I was a kid.

One thing I noticed about the movie is how perspectives change. When I was a kid I was completely convinced the doctors and scientists were the bad guys who were killing ET. I guess as a kid I trusted the kid in the movie (Elliott) and totally believed him to be the source of TRUTH. As an adult, I see the movie and think the doctors and scientists were just trying to help ET, not kill him, and they didn't make him "die," it was just what was happening to him after he'd been exposed to our germs, been away from home too long, or whatever.

I loved the scenes at the beginning where the older brother and his friends were playing a game (although I didn't figure out which one) at the kitchen table in what looked like a smoke-filled room (really the kitchen with weird lighting). It reminded me of the 80s when I was little and used to beg my older brother to let me play with him and his friends. He never let me either.

One more noticeable fact: the mom left the little daughter (Gerty? Drew Barrymore's character - so freakin' cute!) at home by herself while she went to go pick up Elliott at school. Parents would never do such a thing today, right? But I distinctly remember my mom leaving me at home alone on Saturday mornings when she went to the grocery store. I couldn't have been much older than 4 or 5, so what gives? I guess kids now are more likely to set fire to their houses than we were. Or maybe they're smarter and know how to unlock doors and run out in the middle of the street. Beats me. Good thing I don't have kids.

To err is to bike...

Listen, I have no problem with bikers. I understand that some people find it annoying that they wear advertisers on their shirts, especially when said shirts were purchased at Academy and the bikers are wearing them while they're speeding down the neighborhood streets, but I don't really care.

I think it's dumb of bikers to bike down major highways and busy roads but again, no big deal. As a matter of fact, I'm not even seriously bothered by bikers running the red lights and stop signs. I understand it's hard to start and stop again. I get it.

But what I have a problem with is a situation that occurred this morning while I was driving into my building's parking garage at work. I turned right (in my car) onto a one-way street. I encountered a biker going the wrong way on the one-way street and had to wait for him to pass the opening of my garage so I could turn in. Once again, I didn't really care - until. Until he started bad mouthing me for... for looking at him? for following traffic rules? I'm not sure. But he was definitely shooting obscenities in my direction while he was biking the wrong way down a one way street.

Is it necessary to be angry when you're in the wrong? I realize some people see no other way of dealing with situations but please. I was so tempted to slowly edge my car up and scare the biker bugger. It would have been funny. And if I would have been an angrier person, like G for instance, I would have stopped the car and confronted the annoying biker. Luckily I was too tired to give a rat's ass and thought I'd get him back by blogging about his absurdity in my online outlet that no one reads. That'll show him.

Madness

I could really live without the budget minded folks screaming, via the internet, that I MUST HAVE A ROTH IRA THIS SECOND!!! You want to induce panic in me? Scare me into thinking I'm pissing away my hard-earned money by buying pretty things to adorn my body and home. Besides, I don't have $4,000 to put into an IRA every year. Stop harassing me with your well-intentioned budget blogs, damn internet!

So I have this friend.

We'll call him Pissy Pants, PP for short. PP is a single, successful guy (successful in the career world, not anything else). With a little help he could be better than average looking. He's not there all the time yet but he has his moments. Unfortunately his skillz with the ladies are, shall we say, lacking?

PP calls me yesterday and tells me, yet again, that another girl likes him waaay more than he likes her. Finally, and without much ado, I call bullshit. I explained that it's not that I don't believe he believes what he's saying, it's that I believe his perception is off. He didn't take too kindly to this bit of truth telling, but the cold, hard truth is that it's true.

Examples of PP's "girls who like him waaay more than he likes them" are girls who he makes out with one night (never gets to home or anything), he converses with over IM, and who maybe, possibly suggest going out some other time or perhaps kiss him in a 2nd drunken incident. The girls inevitably disappear from his famous IM screen within a few weeks (they stop talking to him), and no drama is involved.

Boys, here's a hint: girls are sometimes like boys. Occasionally they like to fool around with someone they find mildly interesting, either through their personality or their looks, usually with some amount of adult beverages involved, and it doesn't mean anything. Or, at the very least, it doesn't mean they want to have your babies.

Further, just because you're not picturing spending the rest of your life with the cute hottie you just made out with at the bar doesn't mean she likes you any more than you're liking her. She probably has no thoughts of you beyond a potential void filler while she's waiting around for someone who she wouldn't dream of having drunken antics with on the first date.

I wouldn't be writing about this except that PP called me seeking advice on why he didn't like Girl A (the one he made out with) but was strangely attracted to Girl B (someone he's known a long time and never thought about romantically but shows up to The Party with The Boyfriend). And when I gave my advice (aka blunt opinion), he bristled. So PP? Get over yourself. The sooner the better. If you start thinking about women as human beings and not "jugs," you might have a lot more luck in finding that one you might, possibly, maybe think about when your IM screen is closed.

Duuuuuude

I just got shafted. The secretaries at work just uninvited me to a birthday lunch. No shit. Here I was thinking I was one of the "real peeps" of the office, not just one of the stuck up lawyers. Maybe it's time I take my head out of my ass and accept the fact I am who I hate. It's probably simpler that way. No introspection needed, right? I already know all the facets of everything I hate. If I am that person, there's no need to ever look deep down inside again. I kind of like that. Maybe I secretly love that which I loathe. Interesting...

Technology Etiquette

I'm not a Miss Manners or Emily Post by any means but some things are just rude, ya know? I'm on this kick after reading an article on cnn.com, which listed some of the most common faux pas.

Here are mine:

1.) Answering a cell in the middle of a conversation, as a general rule. Of course I understand there are exceptions to this - waiting on an important call, a 911 from your parents, etc., but please don't make it a habit to answer you phone at dinner with friends and hold a whole conversation at the table. Get up, walk away, and apologize to your dinner companions, your conversation companions, whatever. First of all, I don't want to hear you talk with someone else. Second, talking in the middle of a group disables the group from continuing the conversation. Third, it's just rude.

2.) Texting. Man I hate texters. I understand text messages are convenient and it does take away from the aforementioned rude call, but keep it to yourself. There are, again, exceptions. If you're out with a group and another member of the group texts you to find out where you are, cool. But put the phone away. Your entertainment is the group of people you're with, not the phone. And please don't text when I'm talking to you. I have never understood how people think it's okay to have a texting conversation going on at the same time as a verbal conversation. You don't want to talk to me? Okay. But don't text someone else and pretend you still want to carry on with me. Choose one or the other. It would be like reading a book in the middle of an outing, a conversation, or a dinner - weird and obstructive.

3.) Loud cellphone talkers/rings. I know half the population is deaf but should the other half of us have to suffer? My own mother is a violater of this rule. Her cellphone ring is so loud you can hear it in another county. And her ring is the Kentucky state song, which makes no sense since she's from Texas and has no ties to Kentucky. It's especially annoying. I used to hate people talking on blue tooths or hands-free, because I'd get all confused and assume they were talking to me only to realize they weren't. Very embarassing on my part, you see. But I've accepted those things. I simply cannot accept the loud talker/rings though. Turn the volume down already. If you must yell, do it in the privacy of your own car.

In conclusion, be aware. I don't care if you're isolating yourself from nature by wearing an ipod down the street, and I don't care if you spend 99% of your time with a phone to your ear. But for the love of god, keep me out of it, okay?

Girls Night Out!

Tonight is the First Annual Girls' Night Out! Or First bi-monthly? Monthly? Whatever. I haven't had an official Girls' Night in ages. I can't wait. I'm wearing a pretty dress, shaving my legs, putting on eyeliner, and maybe I'll do more than simply brush my hair. It's a big night for me. I thought about painting my fingernails, but that's way too much effort. That kind of grooming is going way too far.

We're going to a fancy restaurant for dinner, possibly hitting up a cheap bar for cheap drinks, and then we're going to dance/bar hop the night away. However did I use to do this 4 nights out of the week? I was insane.

I'll update with details of the debauchery, unless it gets too, too crazy and we don't want any record of the night.

Annoyance is a virtue - or something like that.

G says I'm disgruntled, as a general rule. Perhaps he's right, although I'm loathe to admit it. But seriously - notes in my chair at work? That's just asking for trouble. J sent me a link to http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com and I think this note pretty much sums it up:



I should not be held responsible for polite requests in my chair to write memos on conversations I've yet to have. A request like that is just asking for postal service treatment.