Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A New Start

I can’t afford a good therapist (at least not longer than 6 sessions, which is the insurance mandated maximum and apparently just long enough to get on drugs and see how you “take” to them), so I’m starting over here. Hopefully this will be an exercise of proper displacement and I can exude all my lackluster sarcasm and constantly recurring negativity out “there.” And if no one reads this, well, that’s potentially the story of my life so it’s not a huge loss in the grand scheme of things.

I reserve the right to come back and edit this at will, as I’m certain I’ll be horrified (as my mood-inducers determine) at some of my musings. So if you want to blackmail me, I suggest you copy and paste.

I watched The Goonies last night. I got it on sale at Target last week (or the week before?) for $7.50. I can afford DVDs at that price. Only it seems I got what I paid for. It paused through a large portion of the movie. It didn’t skip, it would just pause for moments at a time, whenever it felt like it, apparently at points specifically designed to cause maximum irritation. The DVD, however, grossly underestimated my laziness. It wasn’t just that I was too lazy to move my hand to the side table and grab the remote. No, there was more to it than that. See, to turn off the movie meant I had to replace it with TV. That meant I’d have to scroll through all the basic cable channels to find something I could stand to have on in the background. As I hate most things forensic related, and I’m not a movie-of-the-month-fan, that leaves me with MTV or the History Channel. Further, I was upstairs and I don’t get MTV up there. (Actually I do get it but I’m not about to stare through the fuzz long enough to figure out what the wrong color is for a Range Rover for this week’s birthday bash. Non-fuzzed version? Yeah, I’d tune in for that.) So History Channel, right? Only if it’s about WWII or Nostradamus or tools or some such nonsense, I’m not interested. Which leaves me back to scrolling through the numerous channels. See? I’m a thoughtful lazy person. It’s not simply about pointing a remote – it’s about mental stimulation.

My point is that I want to take the Goonies DVD back to Target but I’m not sure I have the receipt. I just want to replace it with an exact copy since my copy doesn’t work very well. The only problem is that I returned a couple DVDs for G a few months ago to Target without a receipt. Apparently they keep your name for stuff like that and only allow so many per year. I knew helping out G would screw me in the end. (I’m lovely like that.)

I think I’ll go through all my plastic Target bags that I have stashed under my sink to see if the receipt is in the abyss somewhere. It’s only $7.50, right? You’d think someone with my mountain of debt would look at something so trivial and not worry but you’d be wrong. I only spend mightily and without caution on things that costs gazillions of dollars. If I can buy it at Target, I’m examining every nook and cranny of that baby to make sure it’s perfect. If I went to a doctor on a regular basis, I’d like to think he or she would name something after me.

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