Sunday, October 31, 2004

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

So our Halloween party is officially over and dead. Much fun was had by all. Couple costume of the night award goes to: Ferna and Brandon as Leela and Fry - how did you come up with that? Carla and Steev's appropriately obscene plug and outlet costume deserves an honorable mention. Individual costume of the night is a tie between Chad as Elvis (insert mad screaming) and Kaci as Martha Stewart at Camp Cupcake (the lace would have made Martha proud). Best laugh-out-loud award goes to John-Michael when he guessed the girl with the exposed plastic boobs, boa, and cowboy hat was a Girl Gone Wild (she was actually a Mardi Gras Girl but I think JM might have hit the nail on the head with his guess). This is why we love John-Michael. He's damn funny. That and he's not an alpha-male but he realizes they exist and accepts them as facts, like every day has a night kinda thing. Tell him that though!

So happy to see Ferna and Brandon, Kaci and Keith, John-Michael, Karen and her crew (so fun!), Anita and David, and Carlos (bust a move) and Mark. Wouldn't have been such a great evening without them all!

But I'll admit I felt a tad bummed to be having a party without all my bestests. Teri, Becca, Susan, Rebecca, Kerri, and Karina - I missed you! I feel a little ditty is in order. (Summoning Johnny Rivers)

Where have all the girlfriends gone?
Long time passin'
Where have all the girlfriends gone?
Long time ago
Gone far away every one
When will they ever come home?
When will they ever come home?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

My Beloved Astros!!!!

They've done it! They've tied up the series 2-2. The only bitterness is that I was not there to witness. My undeserving brother was. (He's not generally undeserving - just of the fabulous tickets I was so rudely looked over for. And yes, there is a lot of sibling rivalry in my family - mainly in me but that's for another day...) Back to the 'stros. How cute is Beltran? He's got the face of a little boy and the bat of a very big man. And the playoff beards? How awesome are they? Berkman is earning his addition in the killer B's this series fo' sure. FYI: Bagwell is playing with a kind of intensity I'm not used to seeing with him. When he got hit in the head with the pitch (you know which one I'm talking about), he was so angry. It was very exciting to watch. The Astros aren't known for their overwhelming displays of passion so it was nice to see. Another thing I'm noticing is Biggio. This is the first series where I've seen what people talk about when they say he's not as good as he used to be. I hate to say it but his fielding leaves something to be desired. But he plays with such heart. I'd rather see every player dive for the ball, sacrifice their body, and miss the ball than see them... not, I guess. Anyway - GO ASTROS!!!!

I heart you all!


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

The Truth About Drinks and Men

Man, this could get ugly... Nah, never mind. I'll save that one for another day. Instead I'll amuse you with what a drink says about a man (uh, boy?).

What He Orders - What He Thinks It Says - What It Really Says
A Bud (of some sort) - I'm real macho. - I'm real cheap.
Double martini - I'm Bond, James Bond. - I'm bombed, James, bombed.
Chardonnay - I'm in touch with my feminine side. - I'm a touch on the feminine side.
Bad Girl Cocktail - I love strong women. - I'll do anything to score a strong woman.
Gin & Tonic - I'm a class act. - I'm a class-act bore.
Red Bull & Vodka - I'm ready to go all night! - It's past my bedtime.
Long Island Iced Tea - I'm a party animal! - I'm 16!
Shot of Jack Daniels - I'm hardcore. - I'm a hardcore alcoholic.
Cosmopolitan - I'm cosmopolitan. - I'm a pretty boy.
Mojito - I'm erotic, sweet, and sexy. - I'm trendy.
Champagne - I celebrate life. - I celebrate when I'm away from my wife.

Now I'm going to add my own version from personal experience:

Brews his own beer - has way too much time on his hands. Too scared of the strong life force that is you to do anything. At all. Also a little bit weird, probably brought on from the too much time.
Whiskey/Bourbon/Scotch on the rocks - very sexy. Nothing wrong with that at all. Maybe drinks too much but alas, don't we all?
Bud/Miller/Coors Light - frat boy. Run fast. Run far.
Merlot - Loves Seinfeld and thinks they're into the whole "wine thing" - don't be fooled. They're probably wearing their one, if at all, semi-fashionable outfit.
Zima/other advertiseable malt beverages - Oh My God. If you're with a boy or at a place where that kind of boy is at, leave immediately. You've stepped into the backwoods and you don't want to make any sudden movements for fear they might trap you and eat you.
White Russian - not a big drinker. He's probably drinking just because you are and that's kind of sweet. But it also kind of sucks when you want to go out and hit the town. It's a toss-up.
Shots of tequila/whiskey/other hard alcohol as long as it's a good brand - For a first drink? My kinda man. I've yet to find one of these so if you do, direct him to me!
Water/Sprite - ugh. Either a Mormon (usually a good guess) or some kind of crazy bodybuilder healthnut who is a stripper for his day (excuse me, night) job. This type will not appreciate your funny antecdotes as you drink glass after glass of wine. They will not think you're charming when you spill your drink and they will not think you're cute when have to hold on to them to keep from stumbling in your 3-4 inchers. Trust me on this one. With this type, however, I do encourage drinking because their conversation will not be enough to make it through the night.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The Screaming Idiots

It's official. I have turned into the screaming idiot Republican. It's true. And I'm not sure it can be undone. I usually pride myself on being able to have a passionate political discussion without resorting to name calling when the argument doesn't seem to be going my way, as those pesky conservatives are likely to do. If I had a dollar for the number of times I've been called a bleeding-heart liberal or a tree-hugger, I'd have... well, I'd have a lot of money. But today I fell into the economic trap. There are rational, logical, fiscally-responsible ideas out there to explain economics from a Democratic point of view. I know they exist. I just don't know what they are. And this isn't a knock to Democrats because I don't know the Republican ones either. I just plain 'ole don't know anything about economics. So there we were, discussing the veep debates last night when Edwards' comment about the biggest deficit in our history (or something like that) came up. The Republican I was talking with starts throwing out GNP numbers (for those of you that don't know, like I didn't half an hour ago, that's Gross National Product) and fuzzy math and all kinds of voodoo economic terms. Here's me: what the???? Out goes any semblance of rational argument. Instead I resort to name calling, like those feisty elephants so often do. Granted, I used alliteration, but still! In the face of an argument I couldn't win, or even understand, I called my co-discusser a "rabid Republican." This is him: reasonable, intelligent discussion. This is me: You're a rabid Republican! Rabid, I tell you, rabid! I don't know what got into me. Maybe some of Cheney's evilness seeped through the television last night and started eating away at my brain. Or maybe there were subliminal messages in his speeches. Either way, I've become what I despise. Next thing you know I'll be arguing how we should attack Canada because they give out cheap prescription drugs! On the up side, I do feel ashamed. I feel I've let the liberal in me down. I can say only this: I've felt the other side and it is a truly dark place to be. The best I can do is to remember this dark place and try my best to never cross into it again...

An aside: I love, love, love Kaci and Adam. Thanks you guys!

Monday, October 04, 2004

Something Truly Evil

I'm planning the big Halloween bash. Good times all around. One dilemma. What to be? For a costume, I mean. I threw out 80s slasher victim with big dress and all but when I went to Goodwill, I found I couldn't actually stomach all the tacky dresses. Then I thought Punk Rock Vampire. The thought of plaid pants on my big 'ole ass scared that costume idea right out of me. Brandi came up with Laci Peterson, which I'm still considering. Morbid, maybe, but funny, definitely! And for kicks I could carry around a mutilated baby doll. Hee! The horror of it all! Not sure if I'm digging the bad karma I might receive from such a costume, I tried to think of other evil things to conjure up. I landed temporarily on Suzanne Sugarbaker from Designing Women and I think I've finally settled on Blanche from Golden Girls. Not technically evil but the absurdity of 80s over-the-top women is pretty damn close to horrifying. So I started the day with the three ideas (Laci, Suzanne, and Blanche) running through my mind when I came across something/someone truly evil. The evilness that is the asshole co-worker. Now how, you ask, can a co-worker be evil? (Or maybe you don't ask because you know exactly what kind of person I'm talking about.) It's simple really. Throw in one part attempted (but failed) alpha male, one part bad body odor, one part haven't-done-it-in-so-long-might-as-well-be-a-virgin, two parts misogyny, and there you have your true, honest-to-goodness, evil co-worker. There's probably a cut out somewhere that some Supreme Being uses for laughs, because there are so many of these people out there. But here is the Question: How do you turn something as evil as the evil co-worker into a Halloween costume? Get a too-tight tie? Spray on too much cologne after not showering and rolling around with dogs? Get some pit stains on a very starched white shirt? Wear pleated pants? But can these simple wardrobe pieces really transform oneself into the evil co-worker? What about the essence? How to capture that? I can tap into my inner slut to portray Blanche and my inner beauty queen to be Suzanne, but what can I find in myself to act out the very horrors of the co-worker? I think the answer is I can't. As sad as I find it, I just don't think I have it in me to come up with that kind of evilness. It's too bad really, because the outfit alone would have the good co-workers laughing for months!