If I were a cartoon...

Today I'd be a continually exploding stick of dynamite. I'm not a violent person and I can't really visualize violent things happening to people, but I did just watch that bit of Kill Bill where Uma takes out the whole Asian mafia and then scalps Lucy Lui. So badass. Anyway, I digress.

Just a few things that have made me irrationally angry today:

1) Blogs not having new posts. I realize you're on vacation but I. Don't. Care. I'm the reader. I couldn't care less if you haven't slept or had time off in six weeks. Your problem. I want something entertaining to read.

2) People not answering their phones. Don't you know I'm in need of a good venting? What's the deal with being able to sense that and refusing to pick up the phone? Rationally I realize people could be, oh I don't know, working, but that does not mean I can't slam the phone down with added oomph, does it?

3) Cavities. I've never had one. I went to the dentist today and he said I had one. My first ever. I'm seriously debating getting a 2nd opinion. Is that a proper procedure for a cavity diagnosis? Can dentists be wrong?

4) My skin. I can't decide if my skin has had a nervous breakdown (the one I'm holding at bay with diet coke and tootsie rolls) or if the new lightbulbs I just put in my bathroom are extremely harsh. Either way, it's not pretty. All of a sudden I've got pores the size of the grand canyon. And why??? I wash and exfoliate and moisturize and spf and all those other skin-related verbs. I think I'm going to take out one of the lightbulbs and see how it looks then.

5) Discover card mail. I organized over a year's worth of bills/mail last night and Discover card beat everyone else at least 2 to 1. Why is that? I've never once opened one of the envelopes sent to me, so why send them? I click on the "don't send me mail" button online but it doesn't work. I even told the customer service people at Discover that I don't read the crap they send me - apparently to no avail. I also realized I need a new file cabinet. And that I like things organized.

*sigh* I feel a little better now.

Ha ha ha ha! Such as.

Poor Miss Teen South Carolina. I'm not sure she can ever live it down. As a result of her mind-numbing answer to the question of US kids not knowing where America is on a map (btw, where are these kids? who are they? I want to smack their parents and teachers.), this website was created. And it's freaking hilarious. Such as.

http://mapsforus.org/

If you're not laughing at this website, you're a badly-programmed robot.

Is it true all anti-gays are gays?

I don't know what's worse, confusing pedophilia with homosexuality or all the right-wing nutjobs who are adamently anti-gay, actually being gay.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070828/ap_on_go_co/craig_arrest

So this Senator Craig guy from Idaho (no, you da ho!) has been very adament about no gay marriages, no legal protection for discrimination based on sexual orientation, etc. Turns out he's gay, although he says he's not. He says he's only guilty of pleading guilty to a crime, not the actual crime itself. Apparently soliciting sex from other men in airport bathrooms does not make you gay. No sir. I'm not sure what it makes you - guilty of saying you're guilty of soliciting gay sex? - but it DOES NOT mean you're gay. Awesome. This is definite cookie-dough-has-no-calories-until-it's-cooked logic. I like it.

Note to self: the next old, white guy who obsesses over gay marriage is gay. I accept it, and so should they.

Holy Fucking Shit.

Bystanders watched as a woman was raped. I can't believe that's even a news story but there you have it. The story says a man walked up, observed, turned around, went the other, and put his hood up. Nice, eh? The article also says the security cameras see one woman looking out her door at least 3 times and doing nothing. Apparently the woman being raped knocked on the door of at least one apartment begging the guy inside to call the cops. I can't even believe this. So fucking sad.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/08/24/national/main3200634.shtml?source=RSSattr=U.S._3200634

I got two of these babies over the weekend at a sale at Urban Outfitters. 50% off clearance stuff. $10 each!! Now I have to find an affordable shade. I'm thinking of making a trip to IKEA to see what they have to offer. Worst case is that I get a cool shape and cover it wth a piece of fabric. Kind of like the IKEA hack down below. I'm thinking steel gray would look nice but maybe that's too dreary for a bedroom? I'm not sure...

IKEA hack:

http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/2007/08/new-look-for-lampan-lamp.html

Cancer sucks.

I'm not into praying or any of that jazz, but I do believe in the power of positive thought. I don't know if I can make much difference, but I'm definitely willing to try. Kara is the sister of one of my dearest friends, Jean. It sounds so lame to say it, but I hope she gets better soon.

http://prayforkara.blogspot.com/

Stolen material better than my own...

I blatently stole this idea from Limewire's Music blog, but it's Limewire, right? Isn't stealing what I'm supposed to do there? Here's the link to the original blog, lest I be accused of not citing my sources: http://blog.limewire.com/archives/2007/08/14/indie-rock-baseball/

Here's their blog:

Indie Rock Baseball
By Jens Carstensen

While listening to Interpol’s Our Love to Admire with a friend of mine, we devised a way to turn album reviews into a fun little game. We appropriately titled the method ‘Indie Rock Baseball.’ Here’s how it works:

* You start with two outs and no one on base.
* Each time you skip to the next track without finishing the one you were listening to, that’s a strike.
* Each time you finish a song, that’s a ball.
* Each time you actually *like* a song, that’s a hit. Naturally. Or a single, if you prefer. This also resets the count (as would four balls). Now you would have a runner on. Another hit (or walk) would advance the runner, etc.
* Once a record reaches three strikes, it’s OUT. Of your CD player (or preferred music player).
* Otherwise, you post the result (e.g. 1 run, 2 left on base).

For instance, Our Love to Admire, sporting ridiculous amounts of “empty church” reverb, struck out after four pitches. Of course, the 2nd song is titled “No ‘I’ in Threesome”, which probably should’ve gotten it tossed faster than Lou Pinella on a 100-degree day.


Now to my review of Regina Spektor's album (Begin to Hope) vs. Kelly Clarkson's new album (My December) in this new, fancy baseball way (although I'll admit it's not really a contest):

Top of the whatever inning: Spektor's up to bat and there are:
2 outs, no one on base - 1) Fidelity - listened to it all the way through, loved it
2 outs, person on 1st - 2) Better - listened to it all the way through, liked it
2 outs, person on 1st, 2nd - 3) Samson - listened to it all the way through, bordered on loved it
2 outs, bases loaded - 4) On the Radio - love the music, like the lyrics, miss a catchy hook, end up moving on before it's over, although I stuck through most of it
2 outs, bases loaded, 1 strike - 5) Field Below - nice but I'm not in a sad mood so I skipped it
2 outs, bases loaded, 2 strikes - 6) Hotel Song - like more than a little
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 1-0 - 7) Apres Moi - like it in theory, too Russian in practice, skip
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 1-0, 1 strike - 8) 20 Yes of Snow - beautiful piano opening - love everything about it
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-0 - 9) That Time - reminds me a conversation I'd have with a friend but with better music. Love.
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 2-0 - 10) Edit - skip - too deep for me (sadly)
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 2-0, 1 strike - 11) Lady - would love it on a clean house, candles burning kind of night but as is, I skipped it after listening to most of the lyrics and getting depressed
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 2-0, 2 strikes - 12) Summer in the City - like (but alas, no more scores)

Total: 2 runs scored, 3 left on base


Bottom of whatever inning: Clarkson's up to bat:
2 outs, no one on base - 1) Never Again - I've heard this on the radio and like it okay.
2 outs, person on 1st - 2) One Minute - kind of like the produced, electric pop sound but like most KC songs, the middle sags, skip
2 outs, person on 1st, 1 strike - 3) Hole - now it's heavier guitar-infused sound... like the transition - like but could do without another "shut up" lyric
2 outs, person on 1st and 2nd - 4) Sober - Apparently this arrangement has 7 violinist, 4 cellists (the plural of cello is celli, fyi), a double bass, and three different saxophones (alto, tenor, and baritone) and they all really come through about 2/3rds into the song. I dig it.
2 outs, bases loaded - 5) Don't Waste Your Time - eh, skip
2 outs, bases loaded, 1 strike - 6) Judas - I'm tempted to skip based on the name but we'll see - nope, tiresome at best, should have stuck with my instincts, skip
2 outs, bases loaded, 2 strikes - 7) Haunted - okay. I won't skip it but I'm not sure I'd seek it out afterwards. It reminds me of a lot of things on her 2nd album.
2 outs, person on 2nd and 3rd, 1-2 - 8) Be Still - again with all the strings. Like but very tame.
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-2 - 9) Maybe - I almost want to skip this based on the lyrics alone.
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-2, 1 strike - 10) How I Feel - skip
2 outs, bases loaded, 1-2, 2 strikes - 11) Yeah - I wouldn't skip this one but I hate the lyrics.
Inning Over

Result: Regina Spektor wins 2-1 - big surprise. It wasn't actually as close as the score looks. I bought the Kelly Clarkson cd to show her some support, due to the whole Clive Davis debacle but I'm not sure I'll listen to it very much.

Maybe tomorrow I'll do the new Tegan and Sara.

New Music Recommendation (New to Me)

I'm a little late to Regina Spektor (Begin to Hope came out in June 2006), but damn she's good.

Each song gets a little better everytime I listen to it. Someone said she was the next Sarah Maclaughin but I think she's better than that. I was/am? a SM fan, so no judgment here, but her lyrics are smarter and laced with something a little stronger than heartache and bad coffee (all good things, no doubt).

I think she plays the piano in most of her songs, because 1) she was classicly trained in piano according to amazon, 2) there's a lot of piano in each song, and 3) no one else is credited in jacket. I wouldn't say any of her songs are happy, per se, as a matter of fact most of the lyrics are pretty sad, but the music is so happy, lively, and dare I say quirky? that there's nothing depressing about the songs themselves.

I could go into intimate detail with each song, but I'll leave that thrill to the listener. Check her out. You can listen to one of the songs here: http://www.spinner.com/2007/07/15/women-who-rock-right-now-no-5/

I'd just like to say

Hi John-Michael!!

Especially since you (he) are/is the only one reading this. I really am shocked that you haven't seen The Burbs.

Recreating Anthro

Beautiful, eh? But guess how much for the total look? (I'm only referring to the top half.) $314. $314!! That's crazy. But it's so, so pretty. I guess the key is to find the "look" for less. Aside: whatever happened to that show? Here's my attempt:

$58 at Urban Outfitters. I think the shape is pretty similar, as is the color. I might even like the multi-colored effect of this one better. I'd have to try it on to see if it look as good unbuttoned though...

$4.49 at Target. I'd prefer something with a sweetheart neck, like the original pic, but a v-neck will do (or whatever this is).

$32.80 at Forever 21. I'm not 100% feeling this top as an adequate substitute, and, depending on it's sheerness, it probably nullifies the need for the cami underneath.

So if I go with my recreated outfit, I've dropped the total from $314 to $95.29 - not too shabby. If I decide to just replace the sweater and cami and get the lace shirt from Anthro, I'm looking at $180.49 - still an ouch. I guess I'll have to keep looking - or wait for a sale.

The trials and tribulations of random thoughts.

Two things:

1) My left eye muscle appears to be permanently strained from having to go to all the trouble of staying open. I know that's not technically "lazy eye" but damn! you'd think blinking would be enough of a workout for eyes to at least not convulse during the act of being awake.

2) I went downstairs in my office to seek out the much beloved caffeine and I smelled pancakes. Pancakes! At work? It was insane. Insanely yummy, that is. Not to mention that last night I saw a Frasier where someone discussed adding bacon to the batter of the pancake and how amazing it is.

I think the world is telling me I need to eat yummy, wonderful pancakes and then go take a nap. I'm okay with the world today.

Annoyance is contagious.

So J told me she was annoyed by a few things at work and I thought, "shew, thank goodness I'm having a good day." And I am. But then I got back to work and I started noticing things. Annoying things. Here they are, in no order of importance:

1. People who can't walk in shoes. If the heels are too high ladies, if you're creating a science experiment because you can't lift your feet when you walk, or if your shoes are plain old ill-fitting, don't wear them. I've seen one woman in particular in my building shuffling around in very high wedge slides. The woman cannot walk in them to save her life. So instead she shuffles down the hallway with itsy, teeny, weeny, little steps and spends an hour going to the elevator. Annoying.

2. Redundancy. If you've asked me 2, 3, even 4 times if I'm attending the conference, I probably am. Please don't put a note in my chair asking for yet another confirmation for a "final head count." I believe that's what you told me the last 3 times you asked me. It's a waste of time and incredibly, painfully annoying.

3. Getting new license plates. This is annoying on many different levels. One, I hate putting them on. Two, I already had the old ones memorized. Why should I be punished for be fiscally responsible and keeping my car past its prime? Three, if one were to say, memorize another person's license plates, and then that person were to get new license plates, that could, theoretically, mess up one's notice of whether one's big boss is at work or not. Let's just quit the whole new license plate thing shall we?

ET is good.

The Paramount downtown (8th and Congress) does the Summer Classic Film Series every summer and it's probably my favorite thing about summer in this town. Saturday afternoon I saw ET. I'd forgotten how much I love that movie. It makes me cry about halfway in and I don't stop until the credits start rolling. It's the first movie I ever cried during while I was a kid.

One thing I noticed about the movie is how perspectives change. When I was a kid I was completely convinced the doctors and scientists were the bad guys who were killing ET. I guess as a kid I trusted the kid in the movie (Elliott) and totally believed him to be the source of TRUTH. As an adult, I see the movie and think the doctors and scientists were just trying to help ET, not kill him, and they didn't make him "die," it was just what was happening to him after he'd been exposed to our germs, been away from home too long, or whatever.

I loved the scenes at the beginning where the older brother and his friends were playing a game (although I didn't figure out which one) at the kitchen table in what looked like a smoke-filled room (really the kitchen with weird lighting). It reminded me of the 80s when I was little and used to beg my older brother to let me play with him and his friends. He never let me either.

One more noticeable fact: the mom left the little daughter (Gerty? Drew Barrymore's character - so freakin' cute!) at home by herself while she went to go pick up Elliott at school. Parents would never do such a thing today, right? But I distinctly remember my mom leaving me at home alone on Saturday mornings when she went to the grocery store. I couldn't have been much older than 4 or 5, so what gives? I guess kids now are more likely to set fire to their houses than we were. Or maybe they're smarter and know how to unlock doors and run out in the middle of the street. Beats me. Good thing I don't have kids.