To err is to bike...

Listen, I have no problem with bikers. I understand that some people find it annoying that they wear advertisers on their shirts, especially when said shirts were purchased at Academy and the bikers are wearing them while they're speeding down the neighborhood streets, but I don't really care.

I think it's dumb of bikers to bike down major highways and busy roads but again, no big deal. As a matter of fact, I'm not even seriously bothered by bikers running the red lights and stop signs. I understand it's hard to start and stop again. I get it.

But what I have a problem with is a situation that occurred this morning while I was driving into my building's parking garage at work. I turned right (in my car) onto a one-way street. I encountered a biker going the wrong way on the one-way street and had to wait for him to pass the opening of my garage so I could turn in. Once again, I didn't really care - until. Until he started bad mouthing me for... for looking at him? for following traffic rules? I'm not sure. But he was definitely shooting obscenities in my direction while he was biking the wrong way down a one way street.

Is it necessary to be angry when you're in the wrong? I realize some people see no other way of dealing with situations but please. I was so tempted to slowly edge my car up and scare the biker bugger. It would have been funny. And if I would have been an angrier person, like G for instance, I would have stopped the car and confronted the annoying biker. Luckily I was too tired to give a rat's ass and thought I'd get him back by blogging about his absurdity in my online outlet that no one reads. That'll show him.

Madness

I could really live without the budget minded folks screaming, via the internet, that I MUST HAVE A ROTH IRA THIS SECOND!!! You want to induce panic in me? Scare me into thinking I'm pissing away my hard-earned money by buying pretty things to adorn my body and home. Besides, I don't have $4,000 to put into an IRA every year. Stop harassing me with your well-intentioned budget blogs, damn internet!

So I have this friend.

We'll call him Pissy Pants, PP for short. PP is a single, successful guy (successful in the career world, not anything else). With a little help he could be better than average looking. He's not there all the time yet but he has his moments. Unfortunately his skillz with the ladies are, shall we say, lacking?

PP calls me yesterday and tells me, yet again, that another girl likes him waaay more than he likes her. Finally, and without much ado, I call bullshit. I explained that it's not that I don't believe he believes what he's saying, it's that I believe his perception is off. He didn't take too kindly to this bit of truth telling, but the cold, hard truth is that it's true.

Examples of PP's "girls who like him waaay more than he likes them" are girls who he makes out with one night (never gets to home or anything), he converses with over IM, and who maybe, possibly suggest going out some other time or perhaps kiss him in a 2nd drunken incident. The girls inevitably disappear from his famous IM screen within a few weeks (they stop talking to him), and no drama is involved.

Boys, here's a hint: girls are sometimes like boys. Occasionally they like to fool around with someone they find mildly interesting, either through their personality or their looks, usually with some amount of adult beverages involved, and it doesn't mean anything. Or, at the very least, it doesn't mean they want to have your babies.

Further, just because you're not picturing spending the rest of your life with the cute hottie you just made out with at the bar doesn't mean she likes you any more than you're liking her. She probably has no thoughts of you beyond a potential void filler while she's waiting around for someone who she wouldn't dream of having drunken antics with on the first date.

I wouldn't be writing about this except that PP called me seeking advice on why he didn't like Girl A (the one he made out with) but was strangely attracted to Girl B (someone he's known a long time and never thought about romantically but shows up to The Party with The Boyfriend). And when I gave my advice (aka blunt opinion), he bristled. So PP? Get over yourself. The sooner the better. If you start thinking about women as human beings and not "jugs," you might have a lot more luck in finding that one you might, possibly, maybe think about when your IM screen is closed.

Duuuuuude

I just got shafted. The secretaries at work just uninvited me to a birthday lunch. No shit. Here I was thinking I was one of the "real peeps" of the office, not just one of the stuck up lawyers. Maybe it's time I take my head out of my ass and accept the fact I am who I hate. It's probably simpler that way. No introspection needed, right? I already know all the facets of everything I hate. If I am that person, there's no need to ever look deep down inside again. I kind of like that. Maybe I secretly love that which I loathe. Interesting...

Technology Etiquette

I'm not a Miss Manners or Emily Post by any means but some things are just rude, ya know? I'm on this kick after reading an article on cnn.com, which listed some of the most common faux pas.

Here are mine:

1.) Answering a cell in the middle of a conversation, as a general rule. Of course I understand there are exceptions to this - waiting on an important call, a 911 from your parents, etc., but please don't make it a habit to answer you phone at dinner with friends and hold a whole conversation at the table. Get up, walk away, and apologize to your dinner companions, your conversation companions, whatever. First of all, I don't want to hear you talk with someone else. Second, talking in the middle of a group disables the group from continuing the conversation. Third, it's just rude.

2.) Texting. Man I hate texters. I understand text messages are convenient and it does take away from the aforementioned rude call, but keep it to yourself. There are, again, exceptions. If you're out with a group and another member of the group texts you to find out where you are, cool. But put the phone away. Your entertainment is the group of people you're with, not the phone. And please don't text when I'm talking to you. I have never understood how people think it's okay to have a texting conversation going on at the same time as a verbal conversation. You don't want to talk to me? Okay. But don't text someone else and pretend you still want to carry on with me. Choose one or the other. It would be like reading a book in the middle of an outing, a conversation, or a dinner - weird and obstructive.

3.) Loud cellphone talkers/rings. I know half the population is deaf but should the other half of us have to suffer? My own mother is a violater of this rule. Her cellphone ring is so loud you can hear it in another county. And her ring is the Kentucky state song, which makes no sense since she's from Texas and has no ties to Kentucky. It's especially annoying. I used to hate people talking on blue tooths or hands-free, because I'd get all confused and assume they were talking to me only to realize they weren't. Very embarassing on my part, you see. But I've accepted those things. I simply cannot accept the loud talker/rings though. Turn the volume down already. If you must yell, do it in the privacy of your own car.

In conclusion, be aware. I don't care if you're isolating yourself from nature by wearing an ipod down the street, and I don't care if you spend 99% of your time with a phone to your ear. But for the love of god, keep me out of it, okay?

Girls Night Out!

Tonight is the First Annual Girls' Night Out! Or First bi-monthly? Monthly? Whatever. I haven't had an official Girls' Night in ages. I can't wait. I'm wearing a pretty dress, shaving my legs, putting on eyeliner, and maybe I'll do more than simply brush my hair. It's a big night for me. I thought about painting my fingernails, but that's way too much effort. That kind of grooming is going way too far.

We're going to a fancy restaurant for dinner, possibly hitting up a cheap bar for cheap drinks, and then we're going to dance/bar hop the night away. However did I use to do this 4 nights out of the week? I was insane.

I'll update with details of the debauchery, unless it gets too, too crazy and we don't want any record of the night.

Annoyance is a virtue - or something like that.

G says I'm disgruntled, as a general rule. Perhaps he's right, although I'm loathe to admit it. But seriously - notes in my chair at work? That's just asking for trouble. J sent me a link to http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com and I think this note pretty much sums it up:



I should not be held responsible for polite requests in my chair to write memos on conversations I've yet to have. A request like that is just asking for postal service treatment.

And I thought I was a smart ass.

According to this site, http://www.someecards.com/, I'm not. I'm not even close to being nearly as funny as I thought I was. Hilarious.