If I were a cartoon...

Today I'd be a continually exploding stick of dynamite. I'm not a violent person and I can't really visualize violent things happening to people, but I did just watch that bit of Kill Bill where Uma takes out the whole Asian mafia and then scalps Lucy Lui. So badass. Anyway, I digress.

Just a few things that have made me irrationally angry today:

1) Blogs not having new posts. I realize you're on vacation but I. Don't. Care. I'm the reader. I couldn't care less if you haven't slept or had time off in six weeks. Your problem. I want something entertaining to read.

2) People not answering their phones. Don't you know I'm in need of a good venting? What's the deal with being able to sense that and refusing to pick up the phone? Rationally I realize people could be, oh I don't know, working, but that does not mean I can't slam the phone down with added oomph, does it?

3) Cavities. I've never had one. I went to the dentist today and he said I had one. My first ever. I'm seriously debating getting a 2nd opinion. Is that a proper procedure for a cavity diagnosis? Can dentists be wrong?

4) My skin. I can't decide if my skin has had a nervous breakdown (the one I'm holding at bay with diet coke and tootsie rolls) or if the new lightbulbs I just put in my bathroom are extremely harsh. Either way, it's not pretty. All of a sudden I've got pores the size of the grand canyon. And why??? I wash and exfoliate and moisturize and spf and all those other skin-related verbs. I think I'm going to take out one of the lightbulbs and see how it looks then.

5) Discover card mail. I organized over a year's worth of bills/mail last night and Discover card beat everyone else at least 2 to 1. Why is that? I've never once opened one of the envelopes sent to me, so why send them? I click on the "don't send me mail" button online but it doesn't work. I even told the customer service people at Discover that I don't read the crap they send me - apparently to no avail. I also realized I need a new file cabinet. And that I like things organized.

*sigh* I feel a little better now.